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Ouerskap vandag: ‘n nuwe toewyding

Ek het so ‘n tydjie terug ‘n ouerskapaand by ‘n skool aangebied en begin met die woorde: “As jy vandag ‘n uitdaging soek, kry kinders.” Daar is heerlik gelag oor so ‘n intro, maar almal weet dis waar. Dis die hoofrede hoekom die meeste mense die aand bygewoon het: gesonde, gelukkige gesinne in 2016 is ‘n heerlike uitdaging. Soveel ouers sit hande in die hare wat ouerskap en gesonde gesinne aanbetref. Gesinne val uitmekaar en gereelde oorloggies woed in baie gesinne.

Dit laat my terugdink aan jare gelede toe ‘n boek verskyn het met die titel “Ouerskap is nie kinderspeletjies nie.” Baie gepas vir daardie tyd, en verseker meer gepas vir vandag. Die boek is geskryf in ‘n tyd lank voor die media se invloed so groot was en die ontwikkeling van tegnologie so gevorderd geword het. Vandag is dit twee van die grootste uitdagings waarmee jongmense en hulle ouers te doen kry.

Dis ver van al wat verander het. Daar was ‘n tyd wat “Vigs” ’n woord was wat nie bestaan het nie. Daar was ‘n tyd, glo dit as jy wil, wat daar geen internet en daarom geen “google”en gee e-posse was nie. Daar was ‘n tyd wat “Die Skatkis”en “Kennis” gewilde naslaanbronne was. Daar was ‘n tyd wat gesinne nog inryteater toe gegaan het en die “roadhouse” gereeld besoek het. Daar was tye van toktokkie speel en geen televisie in Suid-Afrika. Daar was ‘n tyd wat huwelike op baie klein skaal uitmekaar geval het en die meeste ouers nog gelukkig getroud was, of ten minste bereid was om aan hulle sukkelende huwelike te werk.

Ja, daar was ‘n tyd………

Dis egter tyd om op te hou in die verlede leef. Dis nou die tyd om die spreekwoordelike bul by die horings te pak en dinge in gesinne te maak werk. Dis nodig dat ouers opnuut hulle verantwoordelikheid teenoor hulle huweliksmaats en hulle kinders besef. Saam kan ons dit maak werk. Gemeenskappe val uitmekaar as gevolg van gesinne wat uitmekaar val. Dorpe, stede en lande gaan agteruit as gevolg van stukkende gesinne. Die herstel, uiteraard, gaan ook daar moet gebeur of nie gebeur nie.

Dis nou die tyd vir nuwe toewyding teenoor mekaar. Dis nou die tyd om te sê tot hiertoe en nie verder nie. Neem eienaarskap vir jou kinders en gesin. Maak jou gesin weer die prioriteit wat dit veronderstel is om te wees. Besef opnuut dat ouer-kindverhouding veronderstel is om ‘n stuk hemel op aarde te wees en nie die hel self nie. Dis veronderstel om die oase in die woestyn te wees en nie die skroeiende son nie!

God self staan saam met jou. Hy, die volmaakte hemelse Pa, wil hê dat daar herstel in jou gesin moet gebeur. Hy is die Een wat die eenheid in jou gesin die hoogste ag. Hy is die Een wat die heel graagste wil hê dat jy iets van die hemel in jou gesin sal ervaar en beleef.

Praat jou hart uit teenoor Hom. Hy verstaan. Hy is self ‘n Vader. Vertrou Hom vir ‘n mooi pad vorentoe. Wy jouself opnuut toe aan Hom en ook aan jou gesin. Hy sal help dat jy werklik kan glo: “Hier kom iets baie mooi.”

Parenting from a Christian Worldview

I didn’t grow up in the church. I’ve observed five divorces in the lives of my parents. I didn’t begin to follow Jesus until after I graduated from high school. I could probably add more strikes to this list, but the point is, I don’t have a template for being a good husband or father. Most parents default to the template from which they were raised. My past is a little skewed.

What’s your scenario? Whether you were raised in a Christian home or not, I want to challenge you to consider another pattern. Consider that even well-intentioned parents might do a disservice to their kids by wanting the wrong things for them.

My default has been to garner all that I can from people whom I’ve learned to trust and admire. Even in that realm, we
have to be careful. It’s very easy to fall victim to what every culture esteems as “successful” parenting. How can we know that we are parenting the way that God wants us to parent? Isn’t that success?

The Myth

First, we need to debunk a myth. I think that we have all believed this myth at some point and have probably uttered these words when asked this question: “What are the important things that I want for my children?” Great question. What’s the mythical answer?

According to Craig Groeschel, the pastor of Lifechurch.tv, most parents — even those who claim to follow Jesus — would say that they would consider themselves successful parents if their kids were “well-rounded, well-educated, happy kids.” When I first heard Craig speak these words, it was as if my parenting manual was being thrown out of the window. Those traits make perfect sense in our culture! That’s what I wanted for my kids. You might be thinking the same thing.

Groeschel goes on to quote a golden nugget of truth from Scripture, “What will it benefit a man if he gains the whole world yet loses his life?” (Matthew 16:26).

Is it wrong for me to want those things for my kids? The simple answer is no, unless those successes become the goal. It’s very easy as Christian parents to rationalize and pursue those things for our kids with the idea that our children can be more effective Christians if they have good careers or are financially successful. We should want those things. But should we let those things drive our parenting?

The Bottom Line

The bottom line is this: Proverbs 22:6 speaks of “the way” that a child should go. This way is not our way. This way is not the child’s way. More importantly, it’s God’s way. How often do we subvert the direction that God intends for our children by trying to insure successes in their lives that God has never promised? Don’t get me wrong. God will have His way, but it can be a struggle for your kids in their future walk with Him if we don’t raise them on the path that He has for them right now.

Consider this idea: Our children are not ours. We have been given a great responsibility to care for their needs and to share with them the story of God through history (Deuteronomy 6) but, ultimately, they are on their own journey with the Creator.

Perhaps, in our efforts to make them “godly,” we are turning them away from the direction of God’s path. What if He wants to face them in the opposite direction from what our culture espouses as successful?

Groeschel goes on to offer this: “To me, a better and biblical goal for parents is this: We are called to unleash single-minded, biblically-anchored world changers.”

What if we parented as if we were temporary stewards of the greatest containers of godly potential? What if our goal for our children was to continually seek God’s guidance on what it is that He wants for them and to help them pursue that goal on a daily basis?

Following Jesus is counter-intuitive for our culture. Likewise, Christian parents have to continually course-correct to combat what most would consider “successful parenting.” In a hundred years, nothing we do will matter apart from the impact we’ve made in God’s kingdom on earth.

This article is courtesy of ParentLife Magazine.